day 2 of pulling on the big girl pants

So its day 2 and what have I achieved

• I did not have any coke zero yesterday
• I am playing with the amount of sugar in my tea
• I ate proper meals yesterday, that may sound strange but I had stopped eating meals, I would have breakfast and then I would just binge on crap for the rest of the day if Simon was home I would have tea as he would cook it otherwise I more often than not wouldn't eat tea either.

I had a headache yesterday afternoon and this morning at boot camp I felt like vomiting for about 20 mins, at one stage I actually stopped and moved away and was even a little dizzy. 

I was talking to an amazing friend at boot camp about our whys and goals and I know I often struggle with these things. I struggle to make goals as I don't know what to aim for as I do not want to fail, never crossed by mind that because I don't aim for anything I am always failing as I am never achieving lol.

For the first time ever and not just since I started this journey I mean ever I have actually achieved a goal, I ran 2.5 kms without stopping. It was such a strange feeling to achieve something I set out to achieve. I didn't need to tell anyone, I didn't need them to congratulate me or make me feel better about something I had done. There were people I wanted to share the achievement with and I was proud of me, really proud, but also empowered I felt like I could actually achieve something. I want to say a huge thank you to Matt Silk, he is an amazing trainer who always believes in me and encourages me, without him I would never have joined running group. He makes me feel welcome and I never feel like I am the slowest or holding anyone up and he always manages to motivate and encourage me without making me feel like I am the fat chick who need to be encouraged. I feel like he is invested and values my achievements for what they are my achievements. I can not thank him enough for his support.

Forgot to come back to the why

•  health
• decrease my risk of so many chronic illnesses
• I have been increasingly worried about the risk of cancer due to all the chemicals I am putting into my body from processed food.
• I need to be able to keep up with Jhett for safety reasons
• I want to be a good role model for my kids
• I want to be able to buy the style of clothes that I want
• I want control of my life
• to be able to play with my kids and do things like bushing walking, playing at the beach
• I want to be able to look at myself and be proud of everything
• I want the outside of me to reflect the inside\

I haven't weighed myself and I am worried to as I can get caught up in that number. I will do it tomorrow, I do have some number goals and there are things I want to be able to do that I can't do without being under a certain number. I am also going to do pictures and measurements tonight, these are the things that help to give me a better idea of what my body is doing and where it is changing.

Goals for today

• No coke Zero
• 3 meals
• increase water
• plan meals for tomorrow