Tuesday, 9 April 2013

round and round we go

The last 6 months have been really really difficult for me and I am still standing in that spot where my weight is the highest it has ever been. I have spent much of this 6 months, putting band aids on or trying to ignore, unfortunately the 1st thing that caves when I do that is my food.

I have been drawn back into my sugar addiction and it is dominating my life again, much of the food I consume each day is processed and sweet, and I am drink coke zero again. I look for convince and pleasure. My moods are so intrinsically tied to the amount of sugar I have had, and the thought of trying to stop this scares me so much, and I get rather anxious about it. I have such tunnel vision about sugar, and i don't know what to eat if it is not sugar related and in my head it seems like everything is going to take so much longer to prepare, being lazy is one of the things that puts a huge dent in how well I manage this lifestyle change.

Now I have already received some flack about cutting out sugar, this is a decision I made after lots and lots of reading and research and looking at what worked for me. I have been reading a book called I quit sugar, and although this book advocates quitting all sugar for an 8 week period you do reintroduce healthier sugars at the end. This is to give your body a chance to rid itself of all the sugars and toxins, to allow it to reset itself and to break the addiction.

The reasons I have decided to go down this path.
  • I am so addicted it controls my life, I need to break that so I can move forward
  • I have insulin resistance, so the way my body reacts to sugars means I put weight on quickly
  • I like the lifestyle change in the book and believe it is something I can settle in my life with some level of ease.
  • I have 2 kids whos behavior is effected by sugar, 1 of which is in a very dramatic manger, and finding a way to eliminate that will make life easier for all of us.
  • Something needs to break my relationship with food and why not eliminate sugars, particularly those that are processed given they are a huge trigger food for me.
My head gets stuck in this place where I doubt that I will ever be able to lose weight, my fitness is improving and I ran for 2.5 km for the first time ever which is huge. I have to focus on the fact I am moving forward and improving and that weight is only one part of that.

I have come to realize that for me to be able to devote the mental energy I need to try and change my lifestyle I need to feel safety, and that for a while I haven't been feeling this. I have struggled with this for a long time, feeling like I have someone to catch me if I fall, and while I work on this it is still something that stops me from committing or putting myself in a position where I feel I might fail. I have come to realize that unless I ask for the things I need to happen to create that safety it wont happen. I have also started working more on this stuff with my own life coach. I started a process to deal with my issues, but I never finished it, time to finish what I started.

So today I have started the process, so the step today is no coke zero, water and cutting the sugar in coffee and tea by half.

1 comment:

  1. Dani - you have been such an influence on my journey! Knowing that there are other HUMAN BEINGS out there struggling with the same things I am struggling with has made it much easier to stick to, keep at, and keep trying new things. I am a big believer in 'do what works FOR YOU' and I know that while cutting sugar wouldn't work for me, it does for you. Give it all you've got! You have my unwavering support. xx