Tuesday, 14 February 2012

Pay it forward and I am not your step up in life..

These two topics have been on my mind of late. I think both are so very relevant to my journey at the moment.

Pay it forward is something I feel very strongly about. I know there are so many people who struggle with weight, and I think we beat ourselves up thinking we are the only ones who feel the way we do, when in fact there are so many other people who feel that way as well.

Through my journey so far there have been so many people who have been supportive of me and have helped to shape me and my journey, I only hope that I am able to give that support to another person. I have this need to support other people who are trudging this path of self discovery. This for me is so much more than just weight loss, for the weight loss to happen I have to have my mindset in the right space and I also have to have me as a priority, I have to value myself enough to put myself forward. I know for myself I have tried so many times to loose weight without involving those other factors, I worked on the if I just eat right, if I just moved more it would all happen and everything would be wonderful. Well it never worked and all that ended up happening is I felt worse about myself. I want to share the things I have learn, I want to pay it forward and help others to maybe not struggle as much as I have. I am not really sure how I will do this. Currently there is a facebook group that I am very active in, I started it at the start of the last round of 12WBT. I hope to be able to encourage and support the people in that group. I will have to think about how I pay it forward on a bigger level.

I really hope that everyone else feels that paying it forward is important, and I hope to see the changes in them and those they are supporting. It really is amazing to share of yourself without expecting anything and without reserve to support another person.

The other part of today's post is I am not your step up in life. As I continue to work through things and come to discover myself more and more I have begun to realise I will let people walk all over me, I will keep my mouth shut even when I think there is something that should be said. Previously I have done this as I have been to scared, worried that I might offend someone and that they might not like me. I am beginning to realise I don't have to be everyone steps, it is important for me to say how I am feeling, I would go as far as to say it is imperative for me to be true to me and voice my opinions. That doesn't mean I think everyone should think the same as me, and when I voice my opinions it should be done with honour and respect of the beliefs of those around me.

This is something I still struggle with, I am working on it and I will continue to work on it everyday. I do not need to be worried about what others think of me. If someone doesn't like me, that is their choice and lets be real about it I do not need them in my life, they can take their path and I can take mine, but they do not have the power to influence me or my journey in any way that I do not want them to.

Wednesday, 1 February 2012

What do I want to be when I grow up??

I have been thinking about this topic a lot lately. I have worked in the disability field for about 16 odd years and have a University degree in said field. I have also done a professional photography course. I have also started to do a naturapath course, but didn't get very far with it.

I don't want to go back to disability, it was a field I went into because I really didn't know what else to do. Disability is/was my mum's passion, and when I was younger I worked in the field to help her out when she had surgery and then once I moved out of home that was the only job I have ever had so I just stayed there. I don't really enjoy the field, I feel over taken emotionally by it and I struggle with the concept of having to fight the system at every step to get the best possible outcome you can for another person, when you know that still wont be enough.

The only thing I ever really wanted to do was photography, but I never really did. I did do a course when I first left high school and then after that I just stopped taking photos. I never really had any idea what I wanted to be when I grew up, I still struggle with that concept. I have started with photography again and I have done a little bit. I worry that maybe my skills aren't good enough anymore because I haven't been practising and I seem to be so far behind the pack, and to be honest people really don't seem interested in getting photos done with me. So I am not sure if that is as a result of my photos not being as good as they could be, or because I haven't really put myself out there enough.

The only other area that has sparked a small amount of interest is something like counselling or maybe a life coach, I would love to be able to help others work thru the stuff I am working thru now.

It concerns me that I am not sure what I want to do, I will have to go back to work at the latest when Jhett starts school, but maybe before then, particularly if we want to get a head financially. So do I need to go do some study, do I need to just practise more with the photography and put myself out there more. What I really wanted to do was black and white photos that were hand coloured, that would be such a niche market, I don't even know that there is any point.

So I sit here feeling very directionless. There is a part of me that is starting to thing, as I write this post that maybe just maybe what I need to do is start taking photos every day and go back to practising my skills, become friends with my camera and then put together some advertising packages and give them out to local school etc etc. Maybe I don't feel the passion as I am to scared to really give into it in case I fail.

Fuck it, I want to be a photographer. I will be friends with my camera every day. I will take part in the photography comps that I know of. I will post on my business page on facebook everyday.