Wednesday, 1 February 2012

What do I want to be when I grow up??

I have been thinking about this topic a lot lately. I have worked in the disability field for about 16 odd years and have a University degree in said field. I have also done a professional photography course. I have also started to do a naturapath course, but didn't get very far with it.

I don't want to go back to disability, it was a field I went into because I really didn't know what else to do. Disability is/was my mum's passion, and when I was younger I worked in the field to help her out when she had surgery and then once I moved out of home that was the only job I have ever had so I just stayed there. I don't really enjoy the field, I feel over taken emotionally by it and I struggle with the concept of having to fight the system at every step to get the best possible outcome you can for another person, when you know that still wont be enough.

The only thing I ever really wanted to do was photography, but I never really did. I did do a course when I first left high school and then after that I just stopped taking photos. I never really had any idea what I wanted to be when I grew up, I still struggle with that concept. I have started with photography again and I have done a little bit. I worry that maybe my skills aren't good enough anymore because I haven't been practising and I seem to be so far behind the pack, and to be honest people really don't seem interested in getting photos done with me. So I am not sure if that is as a result of my photos not being as good as they could be, or because I haven't really put myself out there enough.

The only other area that has sparked a small amount of interest is something like counselling or maybe a life coach, I would love to be able to help others work thru the stuff I am working thru now.

It concerns me that I am not sure what I want to do, I will have to go back to work at the latest when Jhett starts school, but maybe before then, particularly if we want to get a head financially. So do I need to go do some study, do I need to just practise more with the photography and put myself out there more. What I really wanted to do was black and white photos that were hand coloured, that would be such a niche market, I don't even know that there is any point.

So I sit here feeling very directionless. There is a part of me that is starting to thing, as I write this post that maybe just maybe what I need to do is start taking photos every day and go back to practising my skills, become friends with my camera and then put together some advertising packages and give them out to local school etc etc. Maybe I don't feel the passion as I am to scared to really give into it in case I fail.

Fuck it, I want to be a photographer. I will be friends with my camera every day. I will take part in the photography comps that I know of. I will post on my business page on facebook everyday.

1 comment:

  1. I always wonder what I'll be when I grow up too! My niece and nephews laugh at me when I ask them what I should be - and we've now established that there IS a difference between being an adult and a grown-up. I've always wanted to be a mum. Nothing else. The rest of my life has been spent wasting time until I can be a mum - which has really been a waste of life! Good Luck with your photography... I'm booking a shoot with you when I hit goal - so get ready!!