Tuesday, 31 January 2012

The 3 c's and being a flounder

I have really been struggling of late with a few things and my mind is still a little puzzled so I have had trouble deciding what I wanted to post.

I have decided to post about the 3 C's as it is something that has been very close to my heart for the last few weeks. The 3C's refers to coke zero, chocolate and coffee, actually a large Gloria Jeans white Chocolate mocha. I use to have these things regularly, coke and choc was daily and the coffee was at least 3 times a week. That is a massive amount of food I was putting into my body on top of everything else I ate. These products impacted me nutritionally, I am addicted to them and they have become my coping mechanism with a lot of issues, they have also caused me to have teeth issues due to all the sugar.

It was and still is such a difficult thing to give these things up. I am currently struggling and very much want Chocolate. Life is not to bad but I am feeling rather conflicted about some stuff that is happening at the moment, I will post about it when I have worked in through in my head. Simon is back at work and I am board. Then there is the floundering, but I will get to that in a minute.

I have not had the 3 C's for 3 and a half weeks now, and I am very proud of that, it is such a difficult thing at times. For me it is all about the conscious decision to not have those things, and when I have over eaten or eaten the wrong thing of late it has been a decision to do it, I know that may seem strange but for me the big thing is that this is controlled, I haven't just done this without thinking. So it is a step forward, and that is all I can focus on.

Now lets move on to the floundering....
I really feel like I am in limbo a little. I am finding it really difficult to the be happy for everyone else with their weight loss as mine just isn't happening. I feel horrible that I am jealous of them, and then I begin to doubt myself, maybe I am just not strong enough to stick to the menu plan. So many others seem to be able to do it and seem to be getting really good results. I had a measurement done at the gym the other day and from memory the last one would have been at least 6 weeks ago and I have lost 10 Cm's over all, 4 off my waist, so yes it is moving but man how slow can it go. Also I have lost more muscle which is so not what I want to happen. I am so not sure what to do or where to go from here.

I am so much fitter but I don't want to be the fat fit girl. I want to be a health weight and I want to be toned and I want to be able to buy the clothes I like. I want to be able to feel happy for everyone who is losing weight, and not feel bitter cos they are doing something that I don't seem to be able to do.

So when we come to the crunch is it just a case of I didn't follow an eating plan well enough. Am I still eating to much of the wrong stuff, are my portions wrong. I struggle with the concept of having to count calories and weigh everything for the rest of my life. We are exploring the fail-safe diet for the kids and see if that helps Jhett with a few of his issues, so as a family this will change the way we eat, so that may have some level of impact on my eating pattern.

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