Well today i had my 12 week weigh in for my gym challenge. I knew that I had not done overly well in these last six weeks, but to find out that of the 6 kgs of fat I had lost at the 6 week mark, I have put it all on bar 200grams is devastating. I am so disappointed, frustrated and angry at myself. I want to cry, i just don't want to do it in front of anyone, so maybe in the shower.
So what now......... lets start with some honesty.
My food is wrong, I have been eating crap and there have been days where I have binged. I have not been accountable for what has gone in my mouth. So to start with Simon has all the money and my ATM card again, so I can't buy crap. I need to pack my daily food every night, I know organisation is one of my big keys. I also have to find ways to get around my sweet tooth. There are some options for snack options maybe with protein powder, I think I will start to look into those. Portion sizes I think are to big. I hate writing everything down so I have decided I will take a picture of everything I eat and drink, I will be posting this on facebook in a private folder so I don't annoy the crap out of everyone, if you feel like following my progress let me know and I will add you to the folder.
Next thing is enough with the excuses, saying I am lazy, I don't like cooking, I don't focus enough on my goals are all things I do to stop myself from having to actually do the hard work involved. There are ways to work around each and every one of these things I just have to do it.
My head is holding me back at the moment to a huge extend. I have booked in to attend an Emazon session which I am really looking forward to. I need to continue to live in the moment, the moment that is my life and the day to day things that come along with that.
I feel like crap, and I want to eat crap I want to stop focusing on the fact that I fucked things up again, that I had a chance to lose weight and I stopped it. I wont eat crap, I will feel like crap. Maybe tomorrow I will be able to focus on the things I did well.
So time to pull those big girl pants up start with some honest and mindfulness and try again, things will be different and I will succeed. Next weigh in is in 6 weeks time.