I have been struggling with food, seems like a common theme, well it really is, as I am not honest with myself. I continualy tell myself that my eating is not that bad, and that I have been following a healthy eating plan and to be honest its has been a load of bullshit. I eat crap, most days and often to much of it, and just becuase I pretend I am not eating it, even convince myself I am not eating it doesn't mean my body isn't registering it.
So why? What is stopping me? Well there seems to be 2 things at the moment, this fear of not being able to do it, and feeing like I dont have a safety and that I dont have a support behind me. I dont feel like I am important enough for others to care, I mean really care about my journey, but I also do not care enough about me to back myself in. Well you know what I do have a support system and it is amazing, and I can back myself it. It is going to take a while for my head to catch up and so I will have to tell it and remind it everyday.
Second factor for me is that I can never make myself as perfect as I want me to be, I hold myself to a standard that I would never expect of anyone else, so I do nothing as it is easier to stay here within the parameters that I know rather than fail yet again. I am letting go of this belief, it not longer matters, the importance is in the achieving, the journey and the process.
I feel so stuck at times, i honestly want to lose weight but I feel unable to push forward and take that leap.
So I am going to push myself and move it forward so here is what I will do;
- Organise each day, know my meals and pack my snacks and lunch
- Ground myself everyday, for me this means spending approx 10 mins with my bare feet on the ground, focusing on the day and what is important to me, what I am grateful for and who I am
- Develop a goal and reward system
- Be proud of my achievements for the week
- Water Water and more water.