12 WBT

I thought it was about time I talked about the 12WBT program, I think from memory I commented earlier that I was still coming to terms with the fact that while I didn't get what I wanted out of the program I may have got what I needed. I think I have also touched on this in my old blog.

When I went into the last round of the 12wbt program I expected to lose over 20kgs, I was (still am) a big girl and I was sure I would be one of those people who lost over 20 % of their body weight. It didn't happen that way. I could have been better with food, I really don't know how people my size manage to stick to the 1200 cals and not feel deprived or come to resent the food they are eating. I did become very angry at food, and I was feeling so deprived, hungry and disillusioned all the time. I am not sure that I was ever successful at staying on the 1200 for more than a couple of days. I have increased my daily cals and I don't count as religiously as I could, for me currently that fits better with my life and also my head space. This is something I will continue to monitor and revise when and if I need to.

I think one of my other issues is I didn't exercise everyday. With my previous heart rate monitor i was still doing over a thousand cals in a session, so I didn't push myself to go everyday. I would think well this combat class is over 1000 so it wont matter if I don't do anything today. Since I have my new heart rate monitor (that will have its own post soon). I am only doing about 500 in a class, so I am beginning to realise I actually have to work harder. I did a 2 hour boot camp today and did just over 1000 and I worked my ample butt off to get to that.

So in the end I lost 21cms over my body and about 6 kgs, which is so far from what I wanted/thought I would achieve, for a long time I was very disheartened by this. It became a reflection of my self worth, I decided I just wasn't good enough.

When I look back over the 12 weeks I am starting to realise what I did actually achieve and receive and that for me those things were so much more important and that without them weight loss would not be a possibility. The things that I got out of the 12 weeks were first and foremost an amazing group of friends who I think of more like my family now, I don't know what I would have done without the support of these amazing ladies, there is always someone there with a kind word, I hand up or even a kick up the butt. A realisation that I am not the horrible person I tell myself I am, and that I can be a very valued member of a group. That I can actually be nice to myself and that I am so much stronger than I ever believed possible, that I can do things I don't think I can and that it is OK to give something my best shot and even if I don't make it all the way as long as I try my hardest/best that is all that matters.

I think these things were so needed for me to be able to even consider actually adapting my lifestyle to be that of a fit and healthy person. While I am still disappointed at times that I didn't achieve my goals I am so amazed at my growth and development over the last few months, I am so proud of the fact that I am continuing to work on my head space as well as my weight loss.